


Accidental Proposal

by constipatedmuse



Category: Red Dwarf (UK TV)
Genre: Book: Backwards - Rob Grant, F/M, Gen, Reader-Insert, Smoking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-14
Updated: 2021-01-14
Packaged: 2021-03-18 18:21:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,148
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28747617
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/constipatedmuse/pseuds/constipatedmuse
Summary: I didn't plan to make this pro-Ace. I actually rewrote it a couple of times, trying to make him the bad guy, but the parallels to Backwards (the novel) kept popping up, so I said "smeg it" and steered into the curve.
Relationships: Ace Rimmer & Reader, Arnold Rimmer/Reader, Dave Lister & Reader
Kudos: 12





	Accidental Proposal

**Author's Note:**

> For a request from theannonomusgamblerpt2 on tumblr

"I'm going to check the supplies in the cargo deck," you say, standing up.  
Lister is the only one paying attention, and he glances up at you with pity. He jerks his head toward Rimmer, his eyebrows pleading for you to talk to him.  
You look at Rimmer, who is studiously ignoring you, then back to Lister. You shake your head sadly and walk away.  
You knew Rimmer had problems with Ace, and you expected he'd need your help to deal with them. You didn't expect him to shut you out. You didn't expect him to avoid you completely.  
You should have, though. He has less self esteem than a depressed lemming, and it's always easier to leave someone than to have them leave you. Rimmer expected to spend the rest of his life alone. Adjusting to a girlfriend was difficult, but he could mostly understand you picking him over a space bum, a cleaning robot, and a cat.  
He couldn't fathom that you might pick him over his wildly successful counterpart. So he pulled away.  
You know none of this is your fault. You know things will go back to normal after Captain Smug Git himself goes away. But the _Wildfire_ has been damaged, and until she can fly true again, you're stuck with both Rimmers.  
As you pace the cargo decks, you reflect that two Rimmers feel a lot like no Rimmers.  
Then a hand lands on your shoulder, and you spin around with a small shriek of surprise.  
"Whoa," Ace says, holding both hands up, palms out. "Didn't mean to surprise you, old love. Just wondering if you were alright."  
You plaster on your best fake smile and say, "Yup. I'm fine. Just looking for parts for your ship."  
Ace looks around. "Is that why you're looking at the food?"  
You follow his gaze and see the Indian food supplies. "Ah," you say. "Maybe I got distracted."  
Ace pulls out a cheroot and sticks it in his mouth. "Care to talk about it?" he asks, lighting it.  
You sigh deeply. "Your alternate self is an idiot."  
"So I've heard," Ace observes.  
"He's ignoring me because he thinks I'm going to leave him for you."  
Ace blinks a few times. "Were you planning on leaving him?"  
"Of course not!" you scoff.  
"Didn't think you would," he says, placatingly.  
You stare at him, for a moment, trying to ignore the stress headache you can feel winding up. "Sorry I snapped," you finally say. "I haven't been sleeping well."  
He's quiet for a moment before asking, "Have you been eating?"  
You hesitate.  
"That's all the confirmation I need," he says. He threads his arm through yours. "Where's the galley in this tin can? I make a mean [comfort food]."  
You laugh a little and lead him down the maze of corridors. "Kryten won't be pleased that you're making your own food."  
"What Kryters doesn't know won't hurt us," he says, with a wink.

* * *

Two hours later, you've moved past [comfort food] and tea to alcohol. Ace is now regaling you with the story of how he saved a town using only macaroni and cheese, when nature calls.  
"Excuse me," you say, between the hiccups and laughter. "I need to pee." You only sway a little when you stand up.  
"Alright," he says, with a small salute. "I'll be here when you get back."  
You scurry to the lavatory as quickly as you can and finish your business in record time. However, when you get back to the galley, you can see two figures inside.  
Curious, you stand next to the door, partially in shadow.  
You hear Ace first. "She's quite lovely," he says.  
There's silence for a moment.  
Then, Ace continues. "You don't mind if I ask her out, do you? Perhaps Kryten can make us a nice dinner."  
The silence continues, but it feels... angrier.  
"And we'll need a place to come back to," Ace adds. "Which room is yours, old chap? I'll take a bunk as far away as I can. I'd hate for us to keep you and Lister up all night."  
Suddenly, there's the sounds of a short scuffle, followed by the loud THUD! of a body hitting the ground.  
When you lurch forward to enter the room, you see Rimmer -- your Rimmer -- standing over Ace.  
Ace is wiping blood off his lip.  
You're too shocked to step forward, and neither of the men notice you.  
Arnold shakes his hand out, trying to get some of the feeling back. Through the pain, he grits out, "That's the love of my life you're talking about! She's the best thing that's ever happened to me, and I'll be damned if I let you take her. In fact --" he pauses to straighten his uniform "-- I'm going to marry her."  
From the doorway, you gasp, and both sets of eyes instantly turn to you. "You want to marry me?" you squeak in disbelief.  
Arnold gapes, but rushes to your side. He grabs your hands. "You weren't supposed to find out yet. I had a whole thing set up; or I would have, if this git could shut up," he glares over his shoulder. "I even convinced Cat to --"  
"Yes," you say, interrupting him.  
"'Yes'?" Arnold repeats, smiling incredulously.  
"Yes!" you enthusiastically respond, throwing yourself at him.  
If Rimmer had still been alive, you probably would've bowled him over. But in his hard light form, he easily catches you, kissing you and spinning you around.  
Eventually, you come to a stop, and you can put your weight back on your own feet. You don't stop kissing him, however; and you keep your hands buried in his hair.  
Behind him, Ace gets to his feet. He winks at you, but as he crosses into Rimmer's line of sight, he slinks away.  
Your Rimmer keeps his mouth on yours and one hand on your waist, as he uses his other hand to rummage through his pockets. He continues searching until he finds a small velvet box.  
You pull back a little, pressing your forehead to his, as you greedily gulp down the oxygen he doesn't need.  
"I love you," Rimmer whispers. He tucks a strand of hair behind your ear and says, "I'm an idiot, and I am so sorry I pushed you away. I couldn't imagine that you'd actually want me, but now that I know you do, I'm never letting you go." He holds up the ring.  
You make a mental note to thank the dimension jumper. "It's beautiful," you exclaim, extending your hand.  
He slips it on your finger, and it fits perfectly.  
You hold it up to the light, where it catches and shines. You stare at it as you address your boyf-- fiancé. "Arnold, remind me to update my holodisc more often. I'm going to spend the rest of this life and the next with you."


End file.
